These pictures were taken last year on the 4th of July watching fireworks together. Today for some reason was kind of a hard day for me. I looked at this picture and remembered this night being one of the last really fun nights I spent with him. Even though it was a whole year ago, the times of Dad being all there, lessened quickly in the last year of his life. I remember standing by his wheelchair arms around him watching the fireworks go off with the beautiful Manti Temple in the background, and I remember feeling at peace there with my Dad. I remember him telling me he loved me and that he was thankful for me. I remember buying him lots of junk food (sense he loved to eat) and we pigged out on candy and pop. I remember giving him some of my sunflower seeds and he ate them shell and all. :) Usually people have no idea when I'm sad especially not about my Dad. I guess I just figure theres no point in letting people know I'm having a hard time with it all because what can they do. Its been a little over a month sense he passed, everyone else is back to their own lives and are fine, my life still feels completely rocked. I feel sometimes like somethings wrong with me and I need to snap out of it. Today though Dereks sweet grandma was the first person in a while that asked how I was handeling everything, as she asked me we both started to cry. I told her you have no idea how much it means that you thought of me, I kinda feel like everyone else forgot after a week, and I'm still really sad. She told me through tears that her dad passed over 40 years ago and she still gets sad so its ok. I was so thankful for her tonight. What a wonderful woman she is, she was the first person sense my Dad passed who knew exactly what to say. As we drove home tonight we saw fireworks go off in the distance and it made me think of this holiday a year ago. It made me sad that I wasn't in Manti tonight watching big fireworks with my dad. I think from here on out watching the big fireworks is going to me a must. I'm thankful for a good memory tonight. I miss you Dad, hope the fireworks looked awesome from up there.
1 comment:
what a wonderful grandma!! i'm so glad she was sensitive to you and knew just what to say! those pictures of you with dad made me cry. i've felt SO sad this past week...(you saw me on tuesday right? not doing so hot still) i went on a drive by myself that night and cried. this is HARD...harder than i ever could've imagined! i loved the last line of your post...that you hope the fireworks looked amazing from where dad is now!
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