Found Joy in the Journey

(another long post about dad)
After 3 years battling with his stupid horrible selfish and frustrating disease my Dad has finally gotten to the point where his care needs are surpassing the abilities of my mother. As talk about having him go to a care center permanantly started coming up, I started feeling a strange sense of panic, like that I needed to go to Ephraim every week and help and that maybe I'd be enough help to keep him at home. At home in the home he worked his butt off to build, to pay for, to beautify, to make a safe place for 7 childeren and his wife to call home. He worked 39 years and as I see him now it doesn't feel like he gets to enjoy any of his hard work. I still have this sense of...I'm not even sure what to call it, helplessness, inadaquacy, frustration, anger, saddness...all mixed up in me. The last couple weeks it was all just talk until Wednesday night my mom got a phone call from the care center in Ephraim saying a spot had opened up for Dad. Within the next week or two we'll take him there. As I laid awake last night crying I tried to find some kind of comfort in memories of my dad. Memories where he experienced joy in his journey of life. I closed my mind and thought of funny things and happy things and pictures. Pictures of my dad enjoying his journey.

I always loved President Monsons talk about finding joy in the journey. Even with the simple life my Dad lived and with what his life has been in the last 3 years, I find some sense of peace knowing he found simple joy in his journey.

Here are pictures of the last 2 little trips I've taken to Ephraim with the girls.

Our sweet neighbor Dennis comes once a week or so, to play hymns on his violin to my dad, its amazing the peace his music brings into the room.

Theres two things my Dad enjoys right now, food...touch. So I made him his favorite Rarebit (gravy over toast) and I gave him a pedicure. I know the rarebit looks gross but its delicious and fattening and dad ate 2 whole plates :)

Right after my mom told us Dad would probably be in a home sooner then we thought, I called Derek and he came straight down after class. It was his night off and I had originally planned on driving back home but instead we spent the night in Ephraim and some special time with my dad, all of us together.

After my poor dad started undressing himself over and over all night and day, I found a sight online that made clothes especially for the elderly who start doing embarrasing things like that because of dementia. Anyway these are the awesome onesie pjs we ordered that zip up in the back so Dad cant undress himself anymore. I was so excited to find them, we ordered him an outfit too that looks like a polo and sweat pants but its a one piece jumpsuit that zips in back...pretty cool :)

Last but not least. All of us together. I was so thankful Derek made the drive down. This picture will always mean a lot to me.

The Miller Salon!

Every birthday my mom and dereks grandparents send our girls a little birthday money. Well this year I decided to take Rylee to wal-mart with hers and let her pick out her own present. I told her she had $15 to spend. Of course she went straight to the most expensive toys first, but after a little explaining that $15 wouldn't cover a new barbie jeep powerwheels she ran off to the smaller toys. I heard her get all excited the isle over, when I walked over, she had found this...a little toy hair kit. She was hugging it and said..."MOM its sooo perfect! I'm so excited!" so that was it, and it was only $13. The other couple bucks left over bought her her favorite treat, licorlish as she calls it. Anyway, I thought it was so cute that after watching me do hair all the time, that she was so excited to get stuff like mine:) As far as she's concerned it works just the same as mine too, gets hott and everything! She woke us up the morning after she got it and asked Der if he would do her hair.

This is RY the night we came home from wal-mart, I told her I'd open everything for her in the morning. So she slept with that bag in her bed.

Derek running his first salon, bright and early! I'm sure Rylee will love looking back at these pictures one day!

She was content to have derek do her hair for about an hour until...

He started getting a little too sure of himself and his abilities...she told him Dad you're not doing it like mom, my hair looks silly! We love our funny little Rylee bug. Some days I feel like she's from cookie cutter mold of me!

Happy Birthday Rylee Kate

Dear Rylee,
I can't believe its been 3 years. 3 years sense you came into this world, 3 years sense you saved the lives of your dad and me. As I watched you sleep tonight I got so overwhelmed with the feelings of gratitude, and love,  Gratitude to our Savior who placed you in our lives in unideal circomstances because he knew eventually the unideal would become our now happy life! Love for you, the kind of love that makes a mom cry as she watches her baby, whos no longer a baby sleep. I love you from your beautiful brown eyes and cheezy smile, down to your cute little toes that, you always insist on being painted. I love your sense of style...or lack there of, I love your funny personality, and your sharp wit. I love how imaginative you are, and all of the funny stories and comments you  tell me on a daily basis. I love that you're so strong willed but that you can be sensitive at the same time. I know you're going to grow to be an amazing strong woman. For now though, I wish I could just press pause and savor this time with you as a child. Thanks for being my best little buddy, and for teaching me all that you do, everyday. Happy Birthday Rylee Kate, Love Mom

This was the start to Rys birthday adventure! She said she wanted a princess/pony cake. Then she saw a wedding cake online when I was lookin for ideas and told me it was perfect cause it was tall and shiny. Well I did my best :)

I tried a different recipe for fondant that was supposed to taste better then the kind I made for Tayas cake. Well they didn't add in that it would be a million times harder to work with too!

We had her party at a cute little park down by the freeway. It was cold but that made for a nice and empty park for us to fill! It was so nice to have so much support from our family and friends. I know it was a big deal to Ry to have so many friends come to her party! That was all she could talk about the week before it!

She got the cutest presents from everyone! Every present got the same exited reaction, she was soo annimated! She has the pile of her toys in her room and Tays not allowed to touch her special birthday presents!

Last present was her little bike she's been asking for, for the last month. she acutually found it in the shed last week so we let her ride it once and then put it away. Now we just gotta wait for some better weather so we can go out and enjoy this bad boy! I got her the basket and Derek thought it was soo dorky but guess who loves it! yep its already filled with all of her ponys so she can take them on a ride!

After presents and cake and icecream, we let the kids go wild. overall it was a perfect little 3yr Birthday party!